Going up?

"My greatest arch enemy and a twin sister I never knew I had are sharing a suite at the Grand Hyatt at this very moment. I want to know why and I want to know NOW!!!" Shandy screamed.

She pushed Dirk's hand away from her freshly Brazilianed wet patch and directed him back to the driver's seat giving him a gentle pat on the almost-threatening stiff bulge protruding from the front of his rather aptly named "Wanton" Ted Baker fine wool pinstripe suit.

"Honey, you know there's nothing I'd love more than to sprinkle some spice on those nuts right now but I've got a mystery missy sissy to unearth and an old crazy-ass bitch who needs to know that the score is getting settled. And I need to do it right now."

Dirk wasted no time starting the engine and pulling out into the traffic.

Iva raised her head from the rear again, a few buttons of her silk bouse had come undone and the tiniest hint of her Hanky Panky Primrose Lace camisole peeped out from the top of her solid melons.

"So what's the plan?" she asked, using her pinky finger to remove the smudges of Guerlain's Kiss Kiss Golden Diamonds Skankwhore Scarlet Woman Lipstick from the edges of her full lips.

Shandy took a moment to glance downwards.

"Nice cami Girlfriend and later when there's time you must hook me up with that surgeon who repumped your baps last year, but right now you're right, we need a plan of attack."

The four of them huddled closer together. Shandy's cheeks were flushed with excitement, Iva's evil mind was ticking over, Saul flexed his muscles and Carmene continued to dab at the persistent Raz stain, while wondering if it she'd been lucky enough to get a 'free' with her ice treat.

By the time Dirk's van slid smoothly into the executive car park at The Grand Hyatt the trio and their muscly manservant were ready. Dirk who'd spent the last 15 minutes negotiating hook turns and secretly wondering if he had time to nail Shandy a quick hard one before they entered the hotel's shimmering interior, had heard nothing and asked to be let in on the plan.

Shandy placed her recently manicured talon on his soft, tempting lips, "This one is on a strictly need-to-know basis and right now all you need to know is that when this is all over I am going to pull out that not-so-secret weapon you're packing down there and suck it dry Handsome."

Dirk, feeling momentarily weak at the knees, leant back on the van for support and watched as the three former men, now hot women and their male assistant boasting prison-ripped muscles from every angle, strutted towards the hotel lobby. Saul and Iva remained outside while Shandy and Carmene sashayed in.

"Oooh nice foyez," Carmene squealed as she dragged her oversized man hands across the tasteful flocked wallpapered walls.

Shandy turned on her heel and glared at her while announcing loudly, "I think you'll find it's pronounced foy-ER."

Shandy winked at Carmene who pretended to look hurt. She did in fact strike a very sorry pose, her Raz splattered suit and torn stockings only added to her dismal appearance.

Shandy sauntered up to the counter, swaying her firm arse, bold as brass.

The receptionist, a rather dim but pretty slip of a thing who'd spent years racking up a diabolical bill on Mummy's credit card and ignoring the importance of her education had the air of someone who felt she was entitled to more but had only just realised that she got what she deserved, greeted them with a fake smile and even faker hair extensions.

"Good afternoon and welcome to the Grand Hyatt. My name is Bonnie, how can I assist you today?"

Shandy pulling herself up to her full height, turned on a full force killer smile and amped up the charm to eleven.

"Honey you sure as hell can assist us with quite a bit today. You see my assistant here, " Shandy gestured uncharitably to a pathetic looking Carmene, "seems to have up and lost my room key. And of course with all my work and socialising I cannot be expected to think of these things so we're just wondering if you'd kindly give us a new one right now."

"Absolutely we can, what name is that booked under?" Bonnie asked, suitably charmed by Shandy's brazen manner.

"Cottonwood, Miss Prissy, " Shandy said.

Bonnie tapped into the hotel computer.

"Here we are. You're in Room 1414. We just need some identification," Bonnie said.

But Shandy was prepared, "Surely you do," she pulled her Versace Medusa Head golden wallet from her snazzy pocketbook and produced her driver's licence.

"Obviously Prissy Cottonwood is my stage name, my real name is Miss Shandelier Wilson, as you probably know."

Not wanting to appear any dimmer than she was Bonnie looked at the licence and nodded.

"Of course Miss Wil... I mean Miss Cottonwood," she giggled nervously. "Here's your room key and be sure to let me know if you need anything else."

Shandy and Carmene smiled and walked towards the lift. Shandy turned back, her glossy hair bouncing off her shoulders.

"Actually Honey there is something more you can do for us. Can you get room service to send us up two plates of fried chicken with fries and a dozen bottles of Dom, thanks. And by the way nice tan...is it Mystic?"

Bonnie nodded dumbly as she scrambled to write down the order.

Carmene and Shandy slid into the lift, the room key in Shandy's hand and as the doors slid closed they high-fived each other. Perhaps this crazyplan might just work after all.