Where there's a Will there's a Way!!

By Marcia Moorecock (special guest appearance).




Black Magic stood at the end of Shandy’s “Ceccotti” Mamma Li Turchi four poster bed.

“Clare and Will. Clare and Will” repeated Back Magic.

“They are comin for ya sista. They have somethin planned for you, somethin special. And it’s not wrapped in plastic. Plastic. Plastic. Plastic….

Shandy shuddered. Black Magic sounded like a stuck record but then continued.

“Course, you deserve everythin comin to ya sista. I am now nothin because of you. It’s all your fault”.

Black Magic was standing at the end of Shandy’s bed and apart from blurting out incoherent babble; she was holding a rather large carving knife that was dripping with blood. Black Magic now moved closer to Shandy and held the knife high above her head, the blood now dripping onto Shandy’s Arctic Blue “Frette” bed sheet. Black Magic let out a hysterical high-pitched laugh and plunged the blade towards Shandy’s chest.

Shandy awoke with a start.

She looked around the room anxiously and eyed her Silver Jacob Jensen Radio Alarm clock that had mysteriously sprung to life. The time was 2.37am and the last strains of Gloria Gaynors “I Will Survive” danced across her early morning haze. Shandy nervously hummed a few bars (as any self respecting Drag Queen would) and got out of bed.

“I should never have watched that “Twin Peaks” and “The Shinning” late night double on channel 10 last night,” thought Shandy.

She stood in the doorway to her lounge, trying to compose herself. She stared out the window watching the rain pound against the glass. Naked, except for her sheer Ivory “La Perla” negligee, beads of sweat trickled and danced their way down her beautiful dark supple skin.

Even her pussy was wet and dripping……………….

So she wandered over to the balcony glass door and let her cat, Cleopatra, in. “Cleo” was a recent gift from Iva, and was a gorgeous sorrel (chocolate brown on orange) Bengal kitten with emerald green eyes that Shandy swore were ringed with Guerlain kohl eyeliner number 25.

Shandy grabbed one of her eggshell coloured Missoni towels to dry off Cleo and then slumped into her Tahitian Pearl coloured Eames repro arm chair. Cleo purred at the attention.

She sat in her darkened lounge staring at the storm outside. She could hear the sound of thunder bellowing in the distance and lightening would flicker across the sky. She could still hear her clock radio playing in her bedroom. It was Queen’s “Bohemian Rhapsody” ….”I’m just a poor boy, nobody loves me”….

Her mind wandered to her past as indeed she used to be a poor boy. But surely somebody loves her?

But her mind wandered back to the strange dream with Black Magic. Why had she come to her in a dream? Why now? Was it because everyone had forgotten about her?

Suddenly, a crack of lightening broke her train of thought. The flash of light also caused her to catch a “glint” from something in her bathroom. Her eyes strained to see what it was. Another flash and it “glinted” again. She put Cleo on the floor and moved to the bathroom. There it was, embedded in the grouting at the bottom of the bathtub. A blood red diamante.

She didn’t own anything that this could belong to. Black Magic wasn’t wearing anything that this would have come from Shandy thought. And maybe she hadn’t seen it before because of the faded blood still marking her sea foam green Milano tiles!! “Oh my pretty pretty tiles,” moaned Shandy.

She put the blood red diamante into a safe place and went back to bed, but she found that she was tossing and turning. If only she was tossing Dirk she thought. And with that she drifted back to sleep, but not before a warm drizzle of excitement leaked out of her and gently glided down the inside of her leg.

Later that morning, Shandy called Dirk to update him on her dream, what she had found and that she was on her way to visit Clare.

“I’ll meet you there” said Dirk.

“No, there’s not enough time. I need to speak to her immediately and I’ll call you when I get back”.

“OK. Be careful darling. I’ll see you soon and I’ll make sure I have something hot for you that will make your mouth water” Dirk whispered huskily.

“My lips are parting as we speak. See you soon”. And Shandy was gone.

Meanwhile, over at Elwood By The Bay……………

Clare was going about her usual business…. swathed in a sheer filmy shell pink flowy top and figure hugging silver/grey Capri pants. Her stick like frame was fussing
over her antique collection of rare tea pots (a hobby she had taken to as a small child after a visit to Lipton’s Tea Emporium). Her prized possession was a “Paul Storr” sterling silver George IV teapot, which she was ensuring, was shinning brighter than Will Van Pill’s newly enamelled teeth.

Clare was interrupted from her task by the chiming of her Pan Pipes doorbell. As she made her way to the door, the sound of Wings “Let Em In” wafted through the mansion.

She opened the door and there stood Shandy.

“Well this really is an imposition,” grumbled Clare.

Shandy looked Clare up and down like a searchlight. “Darling, if I’d known you just got out of bed I would have called first” smirked Shandy.

Naturally, Clare looked impeccable but couldn’t help but let out a slight hissing sound at Shandy’s pointed remark. “So where is the rest of your coven?” enquired Clare.

“Casting beauty spells no doubt,” said Shandy. She continued. “I have heard rumours of you and your lover, Will Van Pill. Tell me this isn’t true. Tell me that your not fucking that withered old has been”.

Clare gasped and held a hand to her chest. “Oh how horrid!! My relationship with Will is not up for discussion and how dare you speak your wretched despicable gossip on my doorstep”.

There was silence.

Finally, Shandy spoke. “Fine. We could stand here chatting politely all day. Listen Clare, there’s a lot going on. I have a lot of new information that I need answers on and you are the only person that can help me”.

Clare’s eyes narrowed and she looked at Shandy with an air of superiority. “Indeed I can help you. Wait here one moment”. And with that Clare disappeared from view and left Shandy waiting on the doorstep.

Clare returned momentarily and placed a card into Shandy’s hand.

“What the hell is this?” asked Shandy.

“You will meet me at this address at 4pm this afternoon. You will get all the answers you need”. And with that, Clare closed the door in Shandy’s surprised face.

Shandy read the card.

DDQ
(The Stairway to Heaven)
131 16th Street
Collingwood. Vic. 3212.
Ph: 03 90237131



At 4pm that very same day, Shandy and (her coven) Iva, Carmene and Dirk stood outside of DDQ. She especially needed her security blankets, Iva and Carmene.

While the façade of the building was still under construction and cluttered with ladders and tradesman who were busily going about their tasks, Shandy couldn’t help but be impressed by the huge Western Red Cedar doors.

As if on cue, the doors opened and out walked Clare.

“Oh Shandy my dear, right on time I see. And you brought your little friends along. How quaint” said Clare with a wince that made her look like she had just tasted something tart.

Clare ushered her guests inside. It was darkly lit as they went from the impressive main doors to another set of doors. Clare’s assistant, Brock Hilton, greeted them. He was pure sex. Dark blonde, ruggedly handsome, hair parading out the top of his pec hugging shirt. And although Shandy adored Dirk, her mind wandered momentarily as she daydreamed of enveloping Brock’s engorged penis between her moist quivering lips and slowly extracting his milky love juice and….

“This way please,” offered Brock, breaking Shandy’s gorgeous daydream.

All four visitors gasped in unison. It was a vision. A palatial art deco nightclub adorned with exquisite features and a myriad of colours. “Bellacor” Mayan lamps sat beautifully on each table and matching wall sconces were dotted around the room. There was a massive stage that looked like it had state of the art lighting with a lush red velvet curtain pulled neatly to each side. Not only did the size of the stage make Shandy and the girls jaws drop, a glass topped catwalk snaked it’s way at least 30 feet forward of the stage!!

“What is all this, why did you invite me to this place” demanded Shandy from Clare.

“I can answer that” came a voice from the stage.

Will Van Pill (The Pillster to his friends) appeared from behind the red velvet curtain and made his way along the glass catwalk. His Birkenstocks clacked noisily as he walked. He was an odd little man, with a ruddy face and thinning dirty blonde hair. He had a slight stoop and skin that had seen far too much sun. He wore a pale lavender smock over what Shandy could only describe as upmarket overalls. He had so much heavy gold jewellery on it made Shandy think that he and Imelda would be a good match!!

“Shandy, ask him about the key” whispered Iva.

“Not now Iva, lets find out what’s going on here first,” said Shandy.

“This is my new club,” trumpeted Will. “It’s full name is DESTINATION: DRAG QUEEN, also know as DDQ”. This is my latest venture with my business partner (giving a nod towards Clare).

Shandy burst out laughing. Iva and Carmene joined in nervously.

“Well girlfriend, not only are you way past your prime as a performer but your boyfriend there is delusional” snickered Shandy as she watched Clare’s response.

“Oh but my dear, sad, pathetic Shandy….

“Save your breath Clare, your gonna need it later to blow your lover” retorted Shandy. “And anyways, I know every drag in town. No-one’s gonna work for a rattling bag of bones like you!”

“Oh you atrocious dark skinned despot. That’s where you are wrong. I’ve flown in the best from all over the globe. Meet my girls” Said Clare.

Out walked the stunning Greek drag known as Donna Kebab. Next was the Irish beauty, Holly Head. A Local girl, Chelsea Heights (discovered by Clare in the David Jones food hall while extolling the virtues of fine teas). There was Jasmine Rice, Amber Light and Polly Teknik. Two older drag queens appeared, Bea Hive and Wanda Ovah.

But it was the final drag queen that stunned Shandy, Iva, Carmene and Dirk.

She was 6’6” tall and made Divine look like Elle.

“ Meet my Drag Queen Comedienne: HYSTERIA” Clare said triumphantly.

“Jesus” cried Iva who took a reluctant step backwards.

“And just while your jaw is dropping faster than your knickers at a men only nudist camp, Will is not my lover. He is my business partner. A business to crush you and that hovel known as Sassy Palms. Your days, like your hairdo Shandy, are over,” smirked Clare. “Oh, and by the way Shandy, you might want to start looking for some new girls, seems some aren’t as loyal as you may think. But of course, thinking has never been one of your strong points darling”.

And with that said, out walked Imelda.

There stood Imelda. Head to toe in some ghastly red outfit. But it wasn’t the ridiculously over sized loop earrings that had caught Shandy’s eye. It was the blood red diamante encrusted stilettos. The stilettos that sparkled as she walked. The stilettos that were Imelda’s pride and joy. The stiletto’s that were missing a blood red diamante from the toe of the left shoe!!!