A cock and bull story

"Clare, more than you can possibly realise" responded Shandy "But who is this mysterious 3rd man, who is he?"

"Sorry Shandy, can't help you there." Clare Voyant stood up, her stunning sheer Pucci batwinged kaftan in hues of turquoise, cerulean, cuan and azure, shifting gently. "Now, that will be $500," Clare said clapping her hands gently to signify it was time for them to leave.

"Which one of you is paying today?" Clare looked around questioningly.

They shifted awkwardly.

Carmene spoke, "Clare, I think there's been a miscommunication."

Clare raised an eyebrow, "Oh really?" the sarcasm dripping off her tongue was enough to melt a new hole in the ozone layer.

Iva stood, her voice raised and angry, "Yes, Clare, a definite miscommunication. You see we thought you were going to help us, not try to rip us the fuck off. 'Oh a girl/boy, half man/half fish and some strange man' - what does that tell us? Sweet FA, that's what."

"It means what I told you," Clare said archly.

Dirk stood, "Hey Ladies, let's not argue. You've been most helpful Clare."

Dirk started ushering the ladies out of the room.

"What about my money, you molls" screeched Clare Voyant, slipping back to her South Morang roots for a minute.

Iva turned back, "Cheque's in the mail honey." Iva took a few steps more and then turned back, "Oh, and I won't come in your mouth either."

Shandy, Carmene and Iva strutted back to the car while Dirk talked with Clare. When he got back into the car the ladies grilled him.

"I hope you didn't pay her," snapped Iva.

"Not exactly," said Dirk.

"What does that mean?"asked Carmene.

"We came to an arrangement," Dirk started the car.

Shandy felt jealous, she didn't want anyone coming to any arrangements with Dirk that didn't involve herself, some chocolate flavoured body butter and a pair of thigh high patent leather stiletto boots.

"What sort of arrangement?" she quizzed, struggling to keep the acid out of her tone.

"She's going to try again, and if she can come up with more information that will actually lead to an arrest we'll pay her double," Dirk explained.

Shandy relaxed, that seemed a fair deal.

"Well, I'm just glad we're out of there. I couldn't bear to watch Clare suck her stomach in for another twenty minutes," Shandy laughed.

"Let's head back to Mausie's and debrief," Dirk suggested.

They travelled mostly in silence but when they got to Mausie's Dirk kept the car running.

"Shandy, I wondered if we could go for a little drive? There's something I want to show you."

"Lovely" Shandy tried to keep the excitement out of her voice.

Carmene and Iva slipped out of the car discreetly winking at Shandy.

"Guess we'll see you two later?" Iva smiled suggestively.

Dirk nodded and they were off.

"So where are we off to honey?" Shandy slid her arm across the back of Dirk's seat.

Dirk just smiled giving nothing away. A few moments later he whipped his car into the carpark of the marina.

"Come on, we need to go for a walk," he took Shandy by the hand and led her down the pier.

Dirk halted in front of an impressive yacht. "This" he gestured, "is what I wanted you to see."

Shandy smiled, "It's delicious, is it yours?"

Dirk smiled suggestively, "Let's just say I've got access to it for awhile, climb aboard."

As they boarded the boat the promise of what could happen onboard this luxury cruiser set the atmosphere between Dirk and Shandy to a sizzle. His hand brushed her firm buttocks as he led her down the stairs to the gorgeous interior of this love den at sea.

The interior of the yacht was all red velvet, black leather and dark timber. There was no need for words Dirk grabbed Shandy's hand and pushed her roughly against the hand-carved oak staircase. Shandy was kissing him passionately, tasting everything she could - she wanted Dirk inside her in every possible way. But Dirk grabbed her by the wrists and pinned her hands by her sides.

"Let's make one thing clear Shandy, onboard this boat I am the skipper, do you understand?"

Shandy nodded, loving Dirk's firm approach - not to mention the massive hard on pushing into her thigh.

He continued, "You do as I say, when I say - is that clear?"

"Crystal" she responded.

Dirk pulled Shandy over to the king size bed and then he lay down on it. She remained standing at the foot of the bed. He leant over and hit the button on the inbuilt stereo in the bedhead.

"I think you may be an illegal immigrant so I'm going to need to strip search you, but first I want you to strip search yourself."

Shandy nodded, knowing exactly want to do. She moved her body suggestively to the music, she kept it raunchy but not too slutty and slowly undressed, teasing Dirk with the merest flash of her firm breasts of bending over to showcase her amazing legs and the temptations on offer. Eventually he pulled her onto the bed and pushed himself on top of her.

"Shandy, I want you more than I've ever wanted anyone."

"I feel the same," Shandy gasped feeling overwhelmed with emotion. Dirk smiled then stood up, pulling Shandy to the edge of the bed so she was sitting facing him.

"Do you want me to fuck you Shandy?" His voice was firm, guttural, pure animal sex.

"Yes, I do more than anything." Shandy gushed.

Dirk grabbed her face is his hands, forcing her to look up at his face, "Then prove it."

He let her face go and Shandy knew exactly what he wanted. She worked furiously to unzip his pants and slide off his Armani suit pants (in a gorgeous dark grey pinstripe) and his Calvin Klein boyleg underpants. My God, she'd seen some big cocks in her time but Dirk was positively packing a whole fucking conference on climate change down there. She started slowly licking the rim of his enormous prick, lapping at the small drops of juice spilling from the edges then she couldn't hold herself off a moment longer she opened her mouth as wide as she could and took him in, as deeply and strongly as she could. She sucked him hard, taking him deeper and deeper with each thrust, she'd been accused of being a big mouth in the past but even Angelina Jolie couldn't have deepthroated this guy. She loved the sounds he was making, the raw pleasure the hardness of him inside her and the way he kept pushing himself in further and further.

Then he pulled out before he came and pushed her down on the bed and thrust himself inside her so quickly and so hard she thought she might squeal from the exquisite mix of pleasure and pain.

"Fuck, you're good" he whispered admiringly.

"Only for you" she replied breathlessly. And as they came in unison Shandy was suprised to realise she actually meant it.

************Later at Mausie's************************


"That's some rack" Dirk said admiringly.

Shandelier, freshly showered and refresed, was reclining on the art deco settee in Mausie Mc Queen's flat, Dirk standing behind her. She smoothed her hands over her charcoal Fendi cotton and leather dress shirt. She knew this shirt was worth the $500 price tag if it got Dirk looking in the right direction. It hugged her man-made curves so flatteringly they almost looked natural.

"Why thank you, it'd want to be for $20 grand."

"Twenty grand!" Dirk sputtered incredulously, "Darling I could have had a mate knock you up something similar for a couple of hundred."

Shandy turned, Dirk was hot there was no denying it, but she wasn't going to let him insult this fit set of lovejugs and get away with it.

"How dare you..." She turned preparing for a battle of words only to realise her error. Dirk was staring at Mausie's trophy rack. Shandy laughed and moved closer to Dirk.

"Most women Mausie's age have teaspoon collections or tea towels but not Mausie."

"What are all these for?" Dirk asked, lightly fingering one of the plaster statuettes on the rack.

"They're cocks," laughed Mausie, entering the room with a tray of coffee, biscuits and some top-shelf whiskey.

"Cocks?" asked Dirk.

"Let me explain, " Shandy giggled, "Mausie had a lot of lovers over the years and wanted a little something to remember each one."

Dirk picked up a rather large one, "I wouldn't call this a little something."

Mausie poured the coffee, "Oh yes, that was Ivan, my God that man was hung like pendulum. You see, I took a plaster cast of each of my lovers. That cock collection means so much to me."

Mausie suddenly rose from her seat and grabbed one of the plaster models with tears in her eyes. "This one's Morty," she hugged it close to her sagging bosom.

"Nice" Shandy uttered, "I never knew he sported such an impressive package."

"Impressive alright," Dirk said confidently, lightly readjusting his pants.

"God, I miss him, " Mausie started to howl.

Shandy, not being one to tolerate hysterics from anyone other than her own sweet self, waved her hands in the air as if trying to dry her Hot Sex 11 nail varnish. Dirk reached to grab the whiskey. But the girly hand waving, the manly movement and Mausie's heaving sagging bosom got tangled up and there was a smash.

The three gasped. Morty's cock lay shattered on the floor of Mausie's flat, but it was what was inside the broken cock that silenced them. Dirk bent and picked it up.

"What is it?" Mausie asked.
"What does it mean?" voiced Shandy.
"And who exactly put it there?" Drik questioned.

Spookalulu

"Its late" said Shandy, "We can visit Clare tommorrow. Not that I want to I'll have you know. As was said, we have history and not in a good way. But I agree, she may be able to help. We have to find out who killed dear old Morty" her eyes started to water. Dirk placed his large muscular arms around her shoulders.

"Don't worry, I promise you we will find this person"

"Come on darl" said Iva "You can crash at my joint, cause I don't want you bein on your own luvvie".

"Perhaps your right Iva, thanks honey"

The following morning Dirk drove to Iva's flat in St Kilda. It was bedlum inside. All the "girls" were there. Dirk could not get a word in edgewise as they were arguing about who would join Shandy to visit Clare. Finally it was settled, Iva and Carmene would join Shandy and Dirk. Margot was most displeased and sat on the couch poutting.

Shorty after, the foursome were on there way in Dirk's snappy car.

"Why do you and Clare have a history" asked Dirk. Before Shandy could respond Carmene replied. "Oooohhh its a bitchy affair darling. Clare was THE drag queen on the Melbourne circuit. More popular than Liz Street. She was glamour, none of the usual tackiness, a veritable style maven, wore the best frocks money could buy, but then she always had a steady stream of monied boyfriends. That girl was a class act, people couldn't get enough of her........ until....... a certain black bitch arrived in town" Carmene pointed a finger at Shandy. "Clare had competition and she was pissed bad".

"It wasn't deliberate" said Shandy

"Maybe not darling, but you got your rocks off on the rivalry, admit it"

"Well I will say I enjoyed the adulation. The gay boys loved me. You have to remember Marcia Hines and I were really the only black chicks about at the time, I was at my peak sister"

"Anyways, Miss Beeotchy here soon became the darlin of drag society. And another reason she was popular, she was one of the first to go through the change"

"I don't understand....the change?" asked Dirk

"For christ sake, she was one of the first to have her cock chopped off"

"Girl, please, must you be so vulgar" replied Shandy

"Well its true. So basically Shandy started gettin all the plum jobs and Clare had to settle for being lady in waiting. She left the scene saying she was answering the psychic call, she could no longer ignore the voices in her head. She said she knew she had a talent when she took the TV Week Psychic Quiz. Now the bitch is famous and consults with all the celebs, movers and shakers.

Dirk looked at Shandy "Well it will be interesting to see how she reacts to you, does she know your coming"

"Yesssss I called and made a booking" said Iva "She was cool over the phone"

Shandy flushed with nerves.

Momements later they drove up to the gates of Clare's home, Elwood by the Bay.

"I thought you said it was run down" motioned Iva with her hand

"It was when I last saw it, but that was years ago when she first bought it" said Carmene

Dirk pushed the intercom. Seconds later a voice "hellooooo"

"Miss Voyant, ummm we have an appointment to talk with you"

"Yes, yes.... come"

The gates slid open and they approached the house, a stunning modern structure of white washed walls and floor to ceiling glass perched a top a cliff face.

"Fuck the cow is stinkin filthy rich" remarked Iva

They approached the double frosted doors and pushed the buzzer. Immediately the yapping of a dog was heard, then a voice "Snookums, get back, stop that, I said come away, MOVE IT YOU DIRTY LITTLE BITCH"

With a flourish the door was whisked open, there before them stood the "woman" herself, Miss Clare Voyant. Momentarily flustered, she gathered the small white poodle from the floor and regained her composure.

"Enchant'e dahhlings. Pardon moi, but my little precious gets carried away when the door chimes, she so loves visitors. It takes a stern voice to ummm sooth her. Do, DO come in" Clare shot a quick glance in Shandy's direction, quickly eyeballing her up and down.

Likewise Shandy eyed Clare. She had changed little over the years. A tall slim woman with prematurely greying hair that was swept into a tight and intriguing bun atop her head. She wore a stunning sheer Pucci batwinged kaftan in hues of turquoise, cerulean, cuan and azure. Around her neck a multi stranded Dinosaur Designs necklace of lapis beads, complemented by silver Georg Jensen earrings and a cuff bracelet. No makeup except for dramatic eyeshadow that Shandy instantly recognised as Guerlain Peacock Bleue # 9.

"Miss Voyant. I am Chief Dectective Dirk Flynn. I believe you know the ladies and are aware why we have come, yes?"

"My dear Detective, do call me Clare. Yes, yes we are old acquaintances. Shandy dahhling" Clare approached and air kissed her cheeks "How delighted I am to see you after soooo many years, why you have not changed a scerric. Iva, Carmene, lovely, lovely, but yes our reunion is bitter sweet is it not. Morty Hempel, dead - ghastly. I simply cannot comprehend it. That man was responsible for me success. Who would want him dead I ask you"

"Clare" said Shandy tentatively "Thankyou for allowing us to come, we need your help, we need to see if you can shed light on Morty's murder"

"Shandy, gorgeous thing. How could I not, I will do my best. Come to the parlour"

"The what" said Carmene

"The lounge, don't you know nothing" snapped Iva

They entered a large room. The windows had uniterrupted views over the ocean. In the centre was a circular glass topped table and chairs. The room was otherwise sparsely furnished except for an elaborate credenza with a statue surrounded by candles, flowers and small offering plates.
"Whats that, or should I say who's that" asked Carmene

"That" said Clare "Is Lakshmi, goddess of beauty"

"And wealth" added Dirk

"You impress me Detective. You are au fait with the Hindu religion then"

"I have an understanding of it you could say"

"Bravo, there should be more like you. I converted some years back, many in fact when I "ahem" gave up my superficial but incredibly succesful showbiz career and travelled to India where I found salvation with the spiritual enlightenment of Bagwan Shree Rajneesh and his followers, whom you would know as "Orange People". It was all so uber spiritaualle. I spent several years studying yoga and meditation which in turn opened my third eye"

Iva snickered. Caremene jabbed her with an elbow.

"This bought my psychic ability to the surface and the rest of course is history dahhhlings. But enough of my prattling, we have work to do. Please, do take a seat"

Clare moved to a panel of buttons on the wall, suddenly the blinds lowered shrouding the room in semi darkness.

"Now dahhlings, I ask you to join hands and close your eyes whilst I take a minute to connect to the other side"

Carmene's palms moistened as adrenalin pumped through her body. Shandy felt nervous but secure holding Dirk's strong and reassuring hand.

Clare sat erect and drew deep breaths. Her eyes closed.

"Spirit world hear my plee"
"Third eye open let me see"
"Lakshmi goddess of thine temple"
"Tell me who killed Morty Hempel"

Several seconds of silence followed. THEN. Clare started to quiver. The room grew cold. THEN, her eyes popped open.

"A vision. I have a vision. This horridness, yes yes, its growing clearer, come dahhling show me, show me"

"Who the hell is she talking to" whispered Iva to Carmene

"Shhhh"

"It is not A PERSON, it is PEOPLE that you seek. There are 2, no NO wait, there are 3. Yes,
they are showing me signs, at first it was a riddle, it perplexed me, but now I see. The first is a boy but he looks like a girl, the second is a girl who looks like a boy. How biazzaro. The boy is maybe of middle eastern or oriental decent, Im not certain. The girl, large of frame, pale complexion, red hair, yes red, a little bit ugly. But who is the 3rd, come dahhling, come, show me yourself. Hmmm all Im getting is that its a male, he was the one who held the gun.......andddd, No, no, dahling don't go, stay, who are you? Wait................Too late, he has gone back into the mist, I can get no more for now, but later maybe. Is this of any help. Does it make sense to you"

"Clare, more than you can possibly realise" responded Shandy "But who is this mysterious 3rd man, who is he?"